Last Chemo

Today is my last chemo treatment! As I am sitting here receiving this medicine my heart is fighting a battle. You would think I would be overwhelmingly happy but I am struggling with fear. What if the cancer has spread? What if it isn't over? I am so scared to rejoice. Fear is a deep pit built by Satan to stop Christians in their tracks. My hope is that God works through this cancer in a mighty way but fear can and has stopped it. I know that fear will be a huge battle for me probably for the rest of my life because this cancer could come back at any time, but oh what hope we have! God is so big and mighty! He is sufficient and as long as I keep my eyes on the Lord and focus on His Word I am not afraid. This ride has been full of spiritual highs and lows. God has pulled me out of every pit and lifted me up. He has been so patient and loving with me.
A good friend of mine encouraged me to hand write all the versus about fear that I could find in the Bible and today while taking my last treatment I did and this verse calmed my fears and eased my soul. Exodus 14:3, "And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will shew unto you today, for the Egyptians whom ye have seen today, ye shall see them again no more forever." Before this verse I couldn't understand how the Jewish people were so fickle and constantly doubting God after he had blessed them so and showed them such miracles but now I see that I have the same problem. I now understand that fear is the root sin and causes you to not wait and trust in the Lord. So I am going to fear not and stand still and wait on my Lord. I pray that just like God delivered the Jewish people from the Egyptians and said they will never again see them, he will deliver me from this cancer so much so that I will never again see it. Praise the Lord for his Word it is full of peace and truth.
I am entering a new phase in my cancer treatment. I start radiation in few weeks along with more PET and CT scans to see if it has spread. I am also going to have a hysterectomy to lower the amount of estrogen that my body produces. Please pray that God will give me wisdom in all the decisions I am having to make as well as strength to get through this new chapter. I want to praise the Lord for carrying me through chemo and surgery. In every way he has provided even unto abundance.

Reconciliation

2 Corinthians 6:18-20 "And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation. Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God."

I came to these verses in my daily reading and God touched my heart. I was reminded of a past life lesson that He taught me. After my husband left me for someone else I was devastated to say the least. God told me, through His Word, to forgive him and confirm my love toward him. I was 5 months pregnant at the time with our third child and was determined to obey the Lord and do things His way. I forgave my husband and told him that I loved him but he still walked away. I cried out to God, "I don't understand! All I have done is love him. I have forgiven him and am standing here with my arms open waiting to embrace him and he has rejected me." It was like the Lord spoke to my heart and said "I know the pain you are in. I love the world so much that I suffered and died for all. I am here with my arms open wide, full of love and forgiveness and they turn their backs and reject me". I realized that I have the power to help ease my Saviour's pain. I can tell others of Christ and I should because God's word commands it. I love these verses because it is so personal. We all know what it feels like to want to be reconciled to someone. We know the pain and sense of urgency that comes with it. Imagine that pain multiplied by millions. What a lesson! If we are saved God has given us the "ministry of reconciliation". We are "ambassadors for Christ" so it is time to tell others of our Saviour. If you do not know Jesus as your Saviour be reconciled to Him. Jesus died for you and gloriously rose again. "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Romans 10:9

Defining Moments

I am a 30 year old divorced mother of three amazing little girls and I have breast cancer. Isn't it amazing how your life can be summarized in one short sentence! My life is full of defining moments (just like yours) but none has caught me off guard as much as the day the doctor told me I had cancer. It was the Friday before Christmas and my plans for that day included shopping for last minute gifts not spending the day with oncologists and surgeons. The doctor came in the room and before the door shut behind him he blurted out' "Well we have a little bit of cancer," I asked him to repeat himself and that is when I really heard him. My mom grabbed me and I sobbed for a long time and as the day went on I had to make so many mind numbing decisions that I don't remember much more about it. Life had been forever changed in the blink of an eye and not just mine but my children's as well. This blog was created to give God the glory through this experience and I pray that I can put into words all that my Lord has done for me and my children. God is so good and merciful. He has truly given me the peace that surpasses all understanding that He talks about in his word. Before I left home to get the results of the biopsy I prayed that God would speak to me through his word and he gave me this verse Psalm 20:7, "Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God." Right then I new that whatever the doctors told me that God was completely in control of the situation. I still had a very hard time with the diagnosis and I had to come to terms with it but God has been so patient with me. If you are going through this as well just know that God loves you and his Word is true and full of hope.

Test run

Hello all. I am in high spirits and feel o.kay right now. I have surgery on March 19 and get a small break from chemo during this time. God has been very good through all of this and I am comforted by his word and outpouring of love.